


This one is going to hurt

by cinna_nugget



Category: Hamilton - Miranda
Genre: Angst, Blood, M/M, suggestions of violence
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-06-03
Updated: 2016-06-03
Packaged: 2018-07-12 02:33:16
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,723
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7081189
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/cinna_nugget/pseuds/cinna_nugget
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>John needed to do this not only for himself, but for Alex as well.</p>
            </blockquote>





	This one is going to hurt

“I can’t do this anymore Alex.” The words that had left John’s mouth had stilled any movements that Alexander was about to make. Slowly he turned around from his position on the couch to face John. The male seemed to be battling an internal fight with himself on what to say next. John could already see Alex calculating the statement he just made, his eyes darting across John’s freckled face to see if he needed to stand or remain seated. Apparently Alex went with the latter and decided to stay in place on the couch. 

John made his way around the couch to stand completely in front of the other, a backpack was slung on his shoulder and it was filled mostly with the things he could immediately take with him. The decision to end their relationship had come from many years of watching Alexander slowly begin to close himself off to everyone , even his own boyfriend. Many arguments had risen on certain occasions and John was always the one to apologize, always the one to piece Alex back together and make amends for a war he didn’t even start. 

“What we are doing…it isn’t healthy. When was the last time we slept in the same room?” John asked as he saw Alex begin to open his mouth, quickly holding up his hand in stop motion, “And I am not talking about the times where I would sleep and you would type away...” That silenced any dispute Alex was about to make.  
John exhaled slowly as he ran a hand through his curly dark locks, the two of them had been together for nearly three years, meeting in the beginning of their freshman year on campus and deciding around their first official year of dating to move out together in some crappy apartment in the worst part of New York. Sure John could have easily afforded a three bedroom apartment with Alex, but he wanted his boyfriend to see that he didn’t need money to be happy.

Many joyous occasions were celebrated in the little apartment, like the celebration of Alex getting the internship at the law firm down the street from their school, their first Christmas and even the small pleasures like breaking in their new mattress for the first time. John could feel himself getting emotional and quickly reached up to wipe the forming tears. 

This had been the hardest decision he had to make in a long time, almost as hard as coming out to his father. Henry Laurens had been furious to know that his oldest son was gay and living the life of a sinner. Still to this day they had not spoken and honestly John was happier without his father prying into his life.

Lafayette had been the first one he went to about his relationship problems, seeking the other’s advice and even explaining how he had tried and still it didn’t patch things up. John explained the fights and how they would result in screaming matches until John decided that arguing with Alexander would not bring an end to the fight. His friend has told him that if he was not honestly happy in the relationship then he needed to end it. No use in pretending to keep up a fake happiness when it was damaging him inside. 

So this is how he came to the sudden decision to end things with Alex. As he stood in front of him he could see the way his boyfriend’s fingers twitched to reach out to him, to hold onto anything he could get his hands on. “Alex, I know you agree with this. I know you see the way things are becoming and honestly I don’t want them to get worse.”

Alex stood up with a speed that had nearly caused John to fall back on his ass, glad that the coffee table was right behind his legs to keep him steady. What he was not preparing was for the tyrant that Alex began to go on. 

“After everything we have been through together, you want to break things off? Who was there for you when that good for nothing father of yours decided to cut off all connections with you? It was me John. Who was there for you the time your little sister had to be rushed to the hospital? If you don’t remember John, it was also me. “John was bracing himself for the worse, he knew Alexander had a bit of an anger problem and he had seen the worst of it. A few times that anger had been unleashed on him, but this time John was not going to apologize for whatever flew out of his mouth.

“How dare you stand here and accuse me of never being there for you Alexander!” John’s voice raised well above the normal volume used for an inside voice. “I have always been there for you. Every time you got sick, I stayed up well past a human’s normal sleep schedule to make sure you didn’t fucking die, or get any worse than you already were. Don’t even get me started on the many exams I failed because I had to make sure you didn’t pass out from exhaustion!” John was now toe to toe with Alexander, glaring daggers into his skull. 

John could feel his anger rising even more as he watched as Alexander, “This is what I am talking about. You fly off the handle when someone confronts you, hell you can’t even take criticism from your own damn professors. There is always some type of disagreement ready to spill from your li-“His sentence was cut short when a fist connects with his cheek, forcing his head to jerk painfully to the side.

Violence was not a foreign subject to John. He had been in his fair share of fights and even won a handful, the only thing was that never in a million years did he think he would have to put his fist up to Alex. 

“You fucking hit me.” Dark eyes lifted to meet Alexander’s fiery ones; his fist was still curled like he was ready for another attack. The next thing John knew was that he was seeing red, and he was tackling Alexander to the floor the groan of pain leaving the other’s mouth not going without notice. The two of them had never escalated to violence, but this had probably been the straw that broke the camel’s back.  
John’s fists were swinging wildly, getting a few strikes to Alex’s face. They tumbled around on the ground for a few minutes, the coffee table had been in the way but with the way they were rolling around, it was easily pushed to the side. 

\----------------  
Neither of them knew how long the fight had lasted, the only thing they knew was at some point during the fight they had made it to the kitchen. Dishes had been scattered around on the floor, glasses broken to pieces and blood droplets falling onto the checkered design. John was sitting with his back against their white refrigerator, his chest rising and falling sporadically. His nose was bleeding and he was pretty sure it was broken. Alexander was no better, his top lip had been split and bruises were already forming where John had landed a few punches. 

“I’m leaving.” John stated, not making a move to get up from the floor. 

Alexander shrugged and turned his head to face John, “Leave then. Nothing is holding you here.”

This is where John should have gotten up and grabbed his things and made a silent escape out the front door, never looking back on the life he once shared with Alex. He couldn’t move, his body had been rooted to the spot where he sat, his fingers trembling has they clenched and unclenched. A burning feeling was making its way up his throat. This feeling was all too familiar, he hadn’t felt the urge to cry ever since his mother had passed. 

Before he could wipe his eyes, the first tear fell and landed on his clenched fist. His nose was still bleeding and the clear liquid was mixing with the blood that had collected on his hand. The stream of tears were now flowing freely, his shoulders shaking with how hard he began to cry. 

The sobbing sound had alerted Alexander, first he wasn’t sure where the sound was coming from. Then it registered that the noises were coming from John. Alexander wanted to move and comfort the other, but he knew that after everything that had happened, his words would not be welcomed. 

“Alex. I have to do this. We need to do this.” His words were choked out in between his sobs.  
No protest were made from Alexander, his mouth remained shut as he watched John push up from the floor, wiping the tears furiously from his eyes, smearing the blood across his face with each swipe. 

John looked down at his now ex-boyfriend, “I don’t want you to think that I don’t still love you, cause I do. I just can’t continue to live like this.” He waved his arms around to refer to the kitchen that was now a destroyed mess.

Alexander wanted to scream and fight against everything John was saying, coming up with a counter attack to prove that they were going to be okay, but as he followed John’s waving hand around the kitchen he realized that he was right, that they were not fine and that things needed to end. It hurt like hell; it was like a knife had been stabbed into his heart and twisted around to add to the pain. Again he remained silent as he watched John turn and exit the kitchen. Rustling could be heard around the living room as his John grabbed the things that he could fit into the backpack. 

Before he could make his final exit, John stood at the entry to the kitchen and watched Alex for a few moments. “Take care of yourself.” Those were the parting words that John decided to go with, opening the door to their apartment and stepping over the threshold for the last time, Alex’s heart wrenching scream echoing off the walls as the door closed with a silent click.

 

 

**Author's Note:**

> Hi! My first uploaded fic. I decided to kick it off with my favorite ship! Please alert me of any spelling or grammar errors~ Also might continue this series....not sure though. :)


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